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Real men don't do this

4/25/2016

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What makes a real man? What does a real man do? What does he not do? Answers to those perennial questions have historically been pretty clear cut, even if they were not always very good answers. For some in the more “macho” tradition (for lack of a better term), real manhood is strength, prowess, and virility. The ability to seduce innumerable women? Check. Victory in battle? Check. Exploring and conquering unknown lands? You bet. Living off the land? Simply heaven.

For others of the more “sophisticated” persuasion (for lack of a better term), manhood is style, being well read, knowledge, education, and wisdom. Better yet is an appreciation for the arts, music, and the finer things in life. Certainly this real man is active, but it is through polo, fox hunting, skeet, and fly fishing. He also chases women, but it’s more like chess than bowling.

Then, there are those few who have it all, such as the “most interesting man in the world” dude made famous by the Dos Equis commercials. But even that guy has to retire at some point.

What about me? I like art, literature, and music. I played Soccer and Rugby. I have hunted, but usually didn’t hit a blasted thing. Paradoxically, I am pretty good at skeet shooting. I enjoy fly fishing, but have only done it a few times. I camped some in my younger days, but usually was really glad to get home. I am definitely a one woman man. It is easy to convince myself that I would like to jump out of an airplane, hike the Grand Canyon, and go heli-skiing, but then I just change the channel or open another book.

But . . . I have only thought of some things that real men might do. Sometimes you gotta know what a real man doesn’t do. For example, back in 1982 a book came out with the title “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche.” It was a short lived cultural phenomenon until many men (including me) tried quiche (undercover, for sure) and actually liked it. What is the equivalent in today’s culture? What is something real men don’t do? Let me tell you:

Real men don’t use emojis! That’s right, real men don’t use smiley, winking, crying, or cringing faces. Real men don’t use hearts, clapping hands, or balloons. Let me explain myself.

It’s wonderful when my wife sends me the little face blowing a kiss. It’s just fine when she or my daughters use the thumbs up, hearts, or any one of dozens of expressive yellow faces. My granddaughters can send me any emojis they want. So far so good.

What is not acceptable is when a man uses emojis, especially in a message to another man! Come on, man! Just use your words. Using emojis is just too . . . too . . . cute.

Ok, ok. You want to use one in a text to your wife, your kids, or your grandkids . . . maybe that’s OK. Not very manly, but OK. Do you feel there is no other way to express yourself to your Dad, your son, or your brother? Highly questionable in the real man debate, but, please, just on the rare occasion. (Do I sound like I am backpedaling? Am I compromising my manly principle under pop culture pressure?).

Well, in principle, real men don’t use emojis. Pragmatically, OK, maybe every now and then. However, I stand firm on NO MAN TO MAN EMOJIS.

So, there. I got it off my chest. :)

P.S. Furthermore, for a man to receive emojis from a woman who is not related to him . . . awkward. :(

P.P.S. Yes, I know, there is a Biblical version of manhood I didn’t address. That’s for a more serious blog at some future date. :D


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be careful what you pray for!

4/9/2016

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People pray for lots of reasons. We pray when fearful and anxious. We pray for healing, to discern God’s will, for difficult situations, and for other people. We pray in times of need and in times of want, often confusing the two. Too often we pray trying to get God to give us stuff or to come over to our way of seeing and doing things. We pray for lots of reasons, some much better than others!

I don’t want to discuss a full theology or practice of prayer in this post. I do want to talk about one of the things we should be praying for, namely, that we should be more like Jesus every day.

The scriptures are full of admonitions to be holy, to follow righteousness, and to obey God. Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and follow him. The Apostle Paul tells us over and over that the one who has been justified by Christ is a new creation, is in Christ and Christ is in him. Paul makes it clear that we no longer are our own and that we are to put off the “old man” and put on the “new man.” The bottom line: we are to be more like Jesus every moment of the day because our lives are no longer ours but his.

This life of faith and of obedience is variously described as being a follower of Jesus, as being transformed by the renewing of our minds, as living according to the Spirit, as being filled with the Spirit and producing the fruit of the Spirit. This discipleship involves our own decisions – our own will – but is also very much the work of God in us, a work of faith. To lean too heavily on our own will could lead to legalism and living in the flesh. To ignore our own will could lead to spiritual passivity and disobedience. We decide, we choose, we act, but always depending on and being led by the Spirit.

So, what has this to do with being careful in prayer? Well, if being like Jesus is so important, then it must be something we should pray about. That is, we don’t just pray for others and for our own needs (both of which are legitimate), we also pray along the lines of “Lord, work in me today to make me more like Jesus. Develop in me a Christlikeness that will honor you. Lead me to make decisions based on the fruit of the Spirit and which will also grow me in spiritual fruitfulness. Teach me to deny myself. Lead me in the renewing of my mind,” and so on.

A needed prayer and a sincere prayer. Problem is, at least for me, is that too often I want it easy! Oh, I mean it when I pray along those lines, but I tend to overlook passages such as Phil 3:10, where Paul says “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Ouch. Too often I think, “I want to be like Jesus – patient, compassionate, loving, full of grace, full of truth, kind, and gentle,” or “I want to be known for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Then I simply assume (sometimes unconsciously), “Now, I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and be just like that!”

Wrong! Discipleship, the journey to Christlikeness, and the fruit of the Spirit most likely and most often involves difficult people, trying circumstances, temptations, times of fear, uncertainty, and stress. It may require choosing joy and peace and love and grace when none is deserved or humanly possible. In other words, it may require . . . suffering.

So, I hope we all pray for transformation, for the renewing of our minds, the narrow road of following Jesus, of being filled with the Spirit and his fruit. Maybe I shouldn’t say “be careful what you pray for” but “be aware of what you are praying for.” Be aware the answer to that prayer involves process, journey, and time, all of which can be painful and difficult. Ultimately, however, the journey is required, a joy, and well worth it.


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    Terry Coy -- husband, father, grandfather. Trying to figure it out while on the journey with Jesus.

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